


Pick and Mix

by hungrybookworm



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Cake, Crack, D.I.Y., Drama, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Humour, Light AU, Loss of Humanity, Non-Consensual Kissing, Pre-Canon, Tragedy, referenced character death, sweets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 01:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2369225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungrybookworm/pseuds/hungrybookworm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of short drabbles I did for a fic meme in late August, featuring everything from princess cakes and nuclear fusion meltdowns, to the dark line between youkai and humanity. And one or two pieces of borderline smut, of course.</p><p>Includes thirteen drabbles I posted on tumblr, and two I did offline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pick and Mix

**Author's Note:**

> Touhou Project (c) ZUN/Team Shanghai Alice
> 
> This is a collection of short drabbles from a fic meme I did on tumblr - my followers would put a sentence in my ask box, and I would write the next five. The result was a wide selection of characters and genres. The grammar is a little iffy in a few of them, to make everything fit into the right number of sentences, so sorry about that. As mentioned in the summary, thirteen of these were posted on my account, and two of these were done offline.
> 
> The original sentences are in bold, and I haven't corrected any mistakes or altered them to fit my style or anything. One Seija themed piece wanted the five _previous_ sentences, which is why that one has the last sentence in bold instead of the first :)
> 
> Special thanks to rabbiteclair (UnmovingGreatLibrary), nijik-ajies, amemenojaku and several anonymous contributors for submitting sentences.

**Reimu sat on the front step of the shrine and looked down upon her failure.**

Putting wheels on her donation box seemed like a really good idea last night, when she was blind drunk and talking to Nitori for an hour, but after buying a pack of casters and a tool box from Kourindou, and spending the last hour nailing the things to the bottom, the box resembled a hospital trolley with several worrying cracks.

But hey, now she didn’t have to carry it everywhere, right?

“What are you gonna do about the stairs?” asked Marisa next to her.

Reimu glanced at the stairs leading up to her shrine. Well bugger.

* * *

**It wasn’t easy being no bigger than a breadbox but Shinmyoumaru wouldn’t let that get her down.**

Her new home – the insect cage – was just the right size, and with every passing day she could feel the mallet getting stronger and stronger. Soon she’d be able to grow again and sort out all the trouble she caused, but until then she feasted on strawberries the size of her head, and spent hours exploring the shrine with her trusty needle sword. The rats learnt to fear her, and snakes slithered away with just once glance at her helmet.

If only Seija were here too. Then everything would be perfect. 

* * *

**Youmu sighed in defeat, after last night’s events she didn’t know what to do.**

Yuyuko’s heart was dead set on enjoying a Swedish princess cake, just like the one in the food magazine Yukari dropped off during her last visit. Youmu took one look at the recipe and nearly cried; expensive ingredients hard to find in Gensokyo, intricate layers… it looked like a complete nightmare, and indeed Youmu’s attempts at making one last night turned into a dog’s dinner.

Yuyuko looked so disappointed it broke her heart.

“Now now,” said a voice behind her, “I have a better idea.”

Youmu turned around and saw Yukari smiling, holding a pastel green, store bought princess cake. 

* * *

**Utsuho didn’t know what all the different gauges in the geyser centre meant, but she was pretty certain they weren’t all supposed to be waaaaay far into the red like that.**

So she did exactly what she was told to do whenever something weird happened – call customer support.

“What?” snapped a grumpy Kanako at the end of the line.

“Um, all the gauges are in the red, and the ground’s rumbling so I think something broke.”

There was a long silence, and Utsuho heard some loud bangs and sirens coming from the geyser centre.

“Congratulations,” said Kanako, “you’ve caused a meltdown in a nuclear fusion reactor.” 

* * *

**As she picked up her quill and resumed her writing, she couldn’t help hold back a thin smile and thought to herself, “Ah, this is turning out to be quite an excellent youma book… and quite the lovely youma.”**

“Kosuzu, what are you doing?”

Kosuzu panicked and scrambled to put the scroll away, but it was too late; Akyuu was already looming over her, staring at Kosuzu’s attempt at writing her own youma book with pure horror.

“What is this?” she whispered, her voice trembling.

Kosuzu looked away, ashamed, but there was no point hiding it now. “Sorry Akyuu, I’m… I’m not who you think I am… anymore.” 

* * *

Seija couldn’t understand it; that blonde magician was moments away from joining their side, and yet in the end she shook her head, clearly hostile towards their ideals. Shinmyoumaru prepared for battle, and the defeated amanojaku could only watch as their bullets flew left, right and centre.

That magician was human; she was weak compared to the multitudes of youkai that swarmed all over Gensokyo. She had everything to gain and nothing to lose from joining their revolution, so why did she turn them down?

It hit Seija around the third spell card. **The sudden realisation that the two sides of the coin were not of the weak and strong, but that of youkai and humanity…**

* * *

**Miko muttered to herself as she returned to her room, “What a curious place Gensokyo is to have a Youkai Buddhist monk and now an oni Taoist hermit.”**

She wasn’t surprised by the youkai Buddhism part – Miko’s low opinion of that religion was no secret to anyone – but an oni hermit? Now that was a new one. She wasn’t sure who Kasen Ibaraki thought she was fooling, maybe that silly shrine maiden and her friends, but a real hermit could spot a fake a mile off. Though Miko wasn’t one to judge; if a youkai as rowdy as an oni wanted to walk the path of Taoism, then they were more than welcome to.

…No, Miko would be no different to that despicable monk if she started thinking that way; a Taoist oni was still a youkai, an enemy to hermits everywhere, and that fact would never change.

* * *

**She toyed with Reimu Hakurei the way a cat toys with a mouse.**

Marisa ran a fingertip along her collarbone, and pressed her lips just below her throat. Reimu quivered with each touch, impatient.

“Come on, Marisa,” she whispered, “kiss me properly.”

“If I feel like it.” Marisa grinned, and tugged at Reimu’s sarashi.

* * *

**“Of course,” she calmly said as the knife disintegrated into dust, “as the librarian possessed the Philosopher’s Stone and the mistress that of the Elixir of Life, you hold the secret of Alkahest, that which can dissolve anything.”**

The little devil – Koakuma – laughed, all pretence of innocence lost. “Oh you are clever, aren’t you, little human? Did someone hire you to come visit us?”

The silver-haired girl grimaced; her new foe was clearly weaker than the others, yet her injuries from earlier would make this fight tough. “I’m doing this for my own sake,” she said, “now hand it over.”

* * *

**Even without fuel for her gadgets, Nitori was more than a competent fighter in the water, but against a mermaid…**

The odds were against her. One slap of Wakasagihime’s tail could easily break half of Nitori’s ribs; even kill her if it hit the wrong place. The usually meek mermaid swam in a circle, furious to see her stomping ground invaded by kappa.

Her gadgets were deadweight now. Nitori pushed them away, and reached for her spell cards.

* * *

**“I am partial to outside world sweets,” said Kasen, reaching out to take the chocolate bar off Sanae.**

But Sanae snatched it away. “I-It’s an offering for Kanako-sama,” she said quickly, “and she’ll be cross if I let someone else eat it. And… I thought hermits ate haze and fog, so wouldn’t something solid like chocolate upset your stomach?”

“Of course not, I can eat through more than my fair share at a banquet,” and Kasen really wanted that chocolate bar, but grabbing it off the Moriya shrine maiden wasn’t very classy. That wouldn’t have stopped her back in her pre-hermit days, of course, but Kasen had a reputation to uphold now, and stealing sweets from adorable humans was a really good way to ruin it.

* * *

**“You want to talk about the past, Yukari?” asked Yuyuko, tilting her head slightly to one side.**

“Yes,” said Yukari cautiously, “I’m just wondering how much you remember.”

Gensokyo’s construction was going well, and Yukari had flown up to the Netherworld on a whim. She’d almost fallen to her knees when she saw Yuyuko, one of her oldest, dearest, most tragic friends sitting happily amongst the phantoms.

Yuyuko looked into the distance, thinking over the question, but in the end she shook her head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t remember anything… was there something you had in mind?”

* * *

**The Hakurei maiden’s puffy breath was cut short when the amanojaku’s hand cupped her face, an arm around her waist forcing her to stay close and Seija dangerously erasing the distance between their lips.**

Reimu tried to yell, tried to squirm free and get as far away as she could, but the amanojaku was already pressed against her, breathing into her mouth as her tongue moved along Reimu’s gums, slow and sadistic. Reimu squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to react, refusing Seija the pleasure of seeing her cry.

Finally, Seija pulled away, dragging her teeth across Reimu’s lower lip as she moved. “I hate you,” she whispered, wrapping a hand around the shrine maiden’s neck. “I hate you so much.”

* * *

**I really don’t like the idea of having her be the new shrine maiden, but she was the only one left – what choice did we have?**

“Is something bothering you, Yukari-sama?” asked my shikigami, Ran.

I must have looked terrible for even Ran to notice my unease. “Everything’s fine,” I said, glancing back at the Hakurei Shrine once more. This wasn’t the first time I’d replaced the old shrine maiden with someone lacklustre - the Hakurei family rarely lived past twenty, and the last few generations had only one or two children before their untimely deaths – but I had never selected someone outside of the Hakurei line before.

“Sanae Kochiya just needs time to settle in,” I muttered, “and time to recover from Reimu’s death, like the rest of Gensokyo.”

* * *

**_If humanity becomes extinct in the outside world, Gensokyo will slowly fade away, but if we do anything to influence the outside world, we risk our very existence._ **

_This is, of course, totally unacceptable. The youkai of Gensokyo are mere shadows of their former selves, and have been tamed by folly such as ‘spell card rules’; hence why I have longed to shake things up a bit for a while now, so as the opportunity draws ever closer-_

“Oh Rumia, writing in your diary again?” asked Wriggle, and Rumia snapped the notebook shut.

“I-Is that so?” replied Rumia, inwardly damning the firefly. Her cover was almost blown; she had to be more careful.


End file.
